My Journey from Patient to Recovery Speaker

Friday, September 20th I did something I never thought would be possible – I had the honor of being a recovery speaker at a treatment center I was a patient at years ago. Back during the summers of 2017 and 2018, I was a patient at the Laureate Eating Disorder center in Tulsa, Oklahoma. I was the sickest physically and mentally I’d ever been when I was there.

I remember the recovery speakers when I was a patient there. They were all young, fresh out of their one time through treatment, and new to recovery. With me in my 30s, sick for decades, and stuck in the treatment cycle, it was hard to relate and it did not offer me much hope that recovery would be possible for someone who had been sick for as long as I had.

Laureate was the best treatment experience I had. They treated me with respect and included me in the decision-making process of my care. The dietitians, therapists, and psychologist all challenged and spoke to me in ways that really resonated. I felt everyone there cared about me. That unfortunately cannot be said for all the treatment centers I went to.

Unfortunately, I could not sustain the progress made there. The day I discharged I began drinking and restricting again. I ended up in treatment three years in a row during that time.

Despite those hard times, I ended up finding my way to recovery. When I had two years in solid eating disorder recovery, I reached out about being a recovery speaker for Laureate. And what a meaningful trip it has been.

First of all, everything about the food on this trip has been different. I chose a hotel because it served breakfast and I knew I could not go without. I brought snacks on the road and planned what I would do for lunch, neither of which would happen on previous trips. When I arrived in Tulsa, I ate at restaurants that were challenging when I was in treatment there, but now I could enjoy them and have fun with the experiences. I ate a snack with a friend like it was no big deal and then tried a meal I never had had before at a Mexican restaurant. Food was easy and enjoyable on this trip and I would never have used those words to describe eating during travel before.

I was connected with old providers and show them how well I am doing now. I enjoyed extended conversations with my old psychiatrist and therapist there and saw many who helped me along the way. The two dietitians I worked with came back specifically to hear my talk and support me. Everyone remembered me; my psychiatrist even still has the flower I crocheted her on her desk. Connecting and seeing me doing well was as meaningful to them as it was for me.

A friend who was also in treatment with me at Laureate met up with me and showed me around Tulsa. We shared meals and snacks and it was such a different experience eating together now, compared to the fraught mealtimes back then. We played tourist in Tulsa and it was fun to make new memories in the city where my memories were mostly of struggle. I think when I was in Tulsa before I didn’t know anyone who had recovered and now both of us are living a truly recovered life.

Someone in admissions at Laureate told me my speech was the best they’ve had in a long while. Patients engaged with my speech, asking many questions, especially the adolescents. Both parents and patients approached me afterward, asking about coaching. I may get some referrals out of this trip! While I was speaking, I teared up several times. Getting emotional surprised me as I had practiced the speech numerous times without emotion. I think sharing my story hit me how far I have come.

The message I drove home in my speech and the point I want to make now is that recovery is possible, no matter how long you have struggled, no matter how many times you’ve been to treatment, no matter how deep you are in it. I kept trying and eventually, I got better. If you just keep going, something WILL shift. I was very sick when I was in Tulsa six years ago and now I am thriving. You can get there too.

If you are interested in coaching, please reach out on my website for a free consultation call. Coaching was impactful on my journey and I believe it can truly help someone who may feel they have tried everything else. Coaching provides in-the-moment support where treatment and therapy don’t reach. It can provide accountability, meal support, and help challenging those eating disorder thoughts. Just having someone who I knew I could reach out to anytime provided comfort. I am happy to be that support and hold hope for you that you too can recover.